I love having a blog. I love seeing it transform and grow and change. I love that I think about it a lot. I love that it makes me feel connected. I love how it spawns friendships. I love that I'm committed to preserving it. I love that it challenges me. I love that it is single-handedly responsible for my interest in and passion for photography. I love it even though I don't always understand it.
I struggle sometimes. Knowing what to share and how much to share. I'm always surprised when someone I knew five, ten, even fifteen years ago, pops into my life again because they read my blog and took the time to tell me. That's amazing. Regardless, I'm continuously thinking about how maintaining a blog is so...public. Anyone can read it. When you google my name, it's the first thing that pops up. Parents of my students read. Old high school teachers read. Childhood friends, college acquaintances, former lovers, strangers.
In this odd, peculiar, fascinating way, it's a link connecting me to all sorts of people. That fact in itself is thrilling. But it's also terrifying. I've always been a private person--with my emotions, thoughts, life. There are things I've wanted to blog about because they are often at the forefront of my mind. I don't, because they are personal, and a huge part of me thinks they should be honored as such, especially when they involve the privacy of others. Then, there's this other part of me that doesn't really care. In twenty years, will it even matter? Will all of these thoughts still be here? Will they be stagnant and obscure? Or relevant and alive?
I become annoyed on facebook and twitter very easily. Social media teaches me a lot about who I am and how I perceive others. I think the way in which technology transformed our society in the last decade is unbelievable. This blog teaches me in a profound way. It doesn't take long for me to form an opinion about someone based on how they project themselves online. I've been culling my online consumption lately, trying to weed out unnecessary "noise." That might sound harsh. It's simply the truth. I'm often left wondering how I'm perceived by others on here. At the end of the day, I hope I come across as sincere.
When I sat down to write this post, I had no idea where I was going with it. I was feeling a little disconnected, even though in actuality, I try to remain at least marginally detached from the internet on a regular basis. I am proud to have a presence but possess no real desire to increase it. I'm aware that sounds contradictory. It doesn't make sense, even in my mind. I love being here while simultaneously cringing at the thought that I'm here almost every day.
Blogging is a tricky beast. I don't know if I'll ever fully understand it. Does anyone? Do you? Why do you come here, or anywhere online for that matter? What pulls you into something, causing you to follow and return over and over again? Conversely, what makes you leave? What turns you off? I'm genuinely curious as I try and determine that for myself in this weird little online world we're all a part of.
Thanks for listening.